Home Tournaments Calendar Weather Merchandise Sponsors

Go Back   Spearboard.com - The World's Largest Spearfishing Diving Boating Social Media Forum > The Spearboard Tavern > Off Topic Area

Off Topic Area Enjoy a virtual beer at the bar, and talk about anything else on your mind that may not pertain to spearfishing.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rating: Thread Rating: 165 votes, 5.00 average. Display Modes
Old 01-01-2013, 06:58 PM   #316
ahoullis
Registered User
 
ahoullis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: tarpon springs FL
Posts: 469
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

a guy walks into a bar, and in the corner he see's a guy with a big orange head.
he walks up to the bartender and says "what the story about that guys big orange head?"

the bartender says "buy him a drink and he will tell you"
he says"okay give me a beer for him"
he walks over to the man with the big orange head and says "i bought you a drink"
then the man with the big orange head said "i bet you want to hear the story of my big orange head."
"yes" replied the man

the guy with the big orange head says " i was walking dwn the beach and i found a lamp. i rubbed the sand off it and a genie came out. he gave me three wishes.
first he wishes to be extremely wealthy, then hes instanly the richest man in the world.
his second wish is to have a gorgeous wife, then a beautiful woman apears, clinging to his arm.

and my third wish is where i think i went wrong, i wished for a big orange head.
ahoullis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2013, 12:40 PM   #317
miguelitro
Me llamo Mike Candra
 
miguelitro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: el norte... hijueputa
Age: 45
Posts: 1,322
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

Subject: Brothel

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late 40s or early 50's. "May I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Sue," the man replied. "Sir, Sue is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam. "No. I must see Sue," he replied. Just then, Sue appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave them to Sue, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, once more demanding to see Sue. Sue explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row -- too expensive -- and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Sue, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left. The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Sue and they went upstairs. After their session, Sue questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked. The man replied, " Boston ." "Really" she said. "I have family in Boston ." "I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes ....... and
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
__________________
IGAF
miguelitro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2013, 04:49 PM   #318
Waiting2Exhale
.....born upon the tide
 
Waiting2Exhale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: St Simons
Posts: 800
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

What do a Walrus and Tupperware have in common??????

They both like a tight seal
__________________
- The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but obtainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope.

Lucky Jack - .......The Surprise is not old; no one would call her old. She has a bluff bow, lovely lines. She's a fine seaboat: weatherly, stiff and fast, very fast, if she's well handled. No, she's not old; she's in her prime.
Waiting2Exhale is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2013, 11:54 AM   #319
Burg John
hogfish ceviche bitches
 
Burg John's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Smacks Bayou, St Petersburg FL
Posts: 1,273
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

Flying on air force one, Obama looked at Oprah and said, "you know i could throw a 1000 dollar bill out the window right now and make one person very happy".

Oprah said, "I could throw ten 100 dollar bills out the window an make 10 people very happy".

Michelle added, "I could throw a hundred 10 dollar bills out and make 100 people very happy".

Hearing the exchange, the pilot laughed and said to the co pilot, "I could throw all three of them out the window and make 256 million people very happy".

__________________
Because I'm the captain, that's why.

1996 seadoo xp 800
2003 lowe 1648
1994 aquasport 22.5
1973 chriscraft 30
Burg John is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2013, 08:29 PM   #320
Oldsarge
Registered Bwana
 
Oldsarge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On the banks of the Willamette
Age: 76
Posts: 1,491
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

Found a picture I thought you'd like . . .


__________________
Sarge
www.thesportinggentry.com
Oldsarge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2013, 04:13 PM   #321
Flecko
Mitch M.
 
Flecko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SoCal
Posts: 49
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

I once ate a calico bass,
In front of my spear he dared to swim past.
Proud of my kill,
I threw him on the grill,
And later the smell of sea-weed came from my ___!
Flecko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2013, 04:17 PM   #322
Flecko
Mitch M.
 
Flecko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SoCal
Posts: 49
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

There once was a white sea bass,
with nuts made of solid brass.
In stormy weather,
He'd clack them together,
Lightening shot out of his ___!
Flecko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2013, 04:18 PM   #323
Flecko
Mitch M.
 
Flecko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SoCal
Posts: 49
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

A fish let out a huge fart,
that ripped his cloaca apart.
He said with a silly fish grin:
"I'll do that again!
Cause that one smelled like apple tart.

[I love making limericks!]
Flecko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2013, 04:49 PM   #324
Putmeincoach
Nate
 
Putmeincoach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: 4,064 miles SSE of Dutch Harbor
Posts: 700
Send a message via Skype™ to Putmeincoach
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.
Putmeincoach is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-17-2013, 09:12 PM   #325
POL
Displaced Person
 
POL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: SW Chicago
Posts: 1,509
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again. Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan." The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican." The teacher asked him why he's a Republican. Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican." Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what would that make you?" With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan.."
__________________




POL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-22-2013, 01:20 PM   #326
Marcus
Naval gazer extraordinair
 
Marcus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 42,214
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

__________________
“If the natural tendencies of mankind are so bad that it is not safe to permit people to be free, how is it that the tendencies of these organizers are always good? Do not the legislators and their appointed agents also belong to the human race? Or do they believe that they themselves are made of a finer clay than the rest of mankind?”
― Frederic Bastiat, The Law
Marcus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2013, 09:22 PM   #327
ahoullis
Registered User
 
ahoullis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: tarpon springs FL
Posts: 469
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

...
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	2013-09-27 21.00.27.jpg
Views:	303
Size:	28.6 KB
ID:	196224  
ahoullis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-2013, 05:12 PM   #328
DewTheDewDude
Eat Fish.
 
DewTheDewDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Baja Sur, BI/RI/LI
Posts: 847
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

Telling bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
__________________
Happy Hunting and Godspeed.
"All Life came from the Sea. That makes me an Angler Fish."
DewTheDewDude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-2013, 07:55 PM   #329
Marcus
Naval gazer extraordinair
 
Marcus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 42,214
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by DewTheDewDude View Post
Telling bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
An atom says to his friend, "Man, I think I've lost an electron." The friend says "Are you sure?" He answers: "Dooode, I'm positive!"
__________________
“If the natural tendencies of mankind are so bad that it is not safe to permit people to be free, how is it that the tendencies of these organizers are always good? Do not the legislators and their appointed agents also belong to the human race? Or do they believe that they themselves are made of a finer clay than the rest of mankind?”
― Frederic Bastiat, The Law
Marcus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2013, 11:42 AM   #330
Sweet Tooth
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Fort Walton Beach, FL
Posts: 152
Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

Can I tell you a joke about sodium?

Na


What about potassium?

K
Sweet Tooth is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:08 PM.


The World's Largest Spearfishing Diving Social Media Forum Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2002 - 2014 Spearboard.com