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Off Topic Area Enjoy a virtual beer at the bar, and talk about anything else on your mind that may not pertain to spearfishing. |
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01-01-2013, 06:58 PM | #316 |
Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: tarpon springs FL
Posts: 469
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
a guy walks into a bar, and in the corner he see's a guy with a big orange head.
he walks up to the bartender and says "what the story about that guys big orange head?" the bartender says "buy him a drink and he will tell you" he says"okay give me a beer for him" he walks over to the man with the big orange head and says "i bought you a drink" then the man with the big orange head said "i bet you want to hear the story of my big orange head." "yes" replied the man the guy with the big orange head says " i was walking dwn the beach and i found a lamp. i rubbed the sand off it and a genie came out. he gave me three wishes. first he wishes to be extremely wealthy, then hes instanly the richest man in the world. his second wish is to have a gorgeous wife, then a beautiful woman apears, clinging to his arm. and my third wish is where i think i went wrong, i wished for a big orange head. |
01-02-2013, 12:40 PM | #317 |
Me llamo Mike Candra
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: el norte... hijueputa
Age: 45
Posts: 1,322
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
Subject: Brothel
The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late 40s or early 50's. "May I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Sue," the man replied. "Sir, Sue is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam. "No. I must see Sue," he replied. Just then, Sue appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave them to Sue, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left. The next night, the same man appeared again, once more demanding to see Sue. Sue explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row -- too expensive -- and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Sue, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left. The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Sue and they went upstairs. After their session, Sue questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked. The man replied, " Boston ." "Really" she said. "I have family in Boston ." "I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance." The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain: 1. Death 2. Taxes ....... and 3. Being screwed by a lawyer
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IGAF |
01-03-2013, 04:49 PM | #318 |
.....born upon the tide
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: St Simons
Posts: 800
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
What do a Walrus and Tupperware have in common??????
They both like a tight seal
__________________
- The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but obtainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope. Lucky Jack - .......The Surprise is not old; no one would call her old. She has a bluff bow, lovely lines. She's a fine seaboat: weatherly, stiff and fast, very fast, if she's well handled. No, she's not old; she's in her prime. |
01-04-2013, 11:54 AM | #319 |
hogfish ceviche bitches
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Smacks Bayou, St Petersburg FL
Posts: 1,273
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
Flying on air force one, Obama looked at Oprah and said, "you know i could throw a 1000 dollar bill out the window right now and make one person very happy".
Oprah said, "I could throw ten 100 dollar bills out the window an make 10 people very happy". Michelle added, "I could throw a hundred 10 dollar bills out and make 100 people very happy". Hearing the exchange, the pilot laughed and said to the co pilot, "I could throw all three of them out the window and make 256 million people very happy".
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Because I'm the captain, that's why. 1996 seadoo xp 800 2003 lowe 1648 1994 aquasport 22.5 1973 chriscraft 30 |
01-04-2013, 08:29 PM | #320 |
Registered Bwana
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On the banks of the Willamette
Age: 76
Posts: 1,491
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
Found a picture I thought you'd like . . .
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02-03-2013, 04:13 PM | #321 |
Mitch M.
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SoCal
Posts: 49
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
I once ate a calico bass,
In front of my spear he dared to swim past. Proud of my kill, I threw him on the grill, And later the smell of sea-weed came from my ___! |
02-03-2013, 04:17 PM | #322 |
Mitch M.
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SoCal
Posts: 49
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
There once was a white sea bass,
with nuts made of solid brass. In stormy weather, He'd clack them together, Lightening shot out of his ___! |
02-03-2013, 04:18 PM | #323 |
Mitch M.
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SoCal
Posts: 49
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
A fish let out a huge fart,
that ripped his cloaca apart. He said with a silly fish grin: "I'll do that again! Cause that one smelled like apple tart. [I love making limericks!] |
02-14-2013, 04:49 PM | #324 |
Nate
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.' The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.' The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair. |
02-17-2013, 09:12 PM | #325 |
Displaced Person
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: SW Chicago
Posts: 1,509
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again. Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan." The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican." The teacher asked him why he's a Republican. Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican." Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what would that make you?" With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan.."
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09-22-2013, 01:20 PM | #326 |
Naval gazer extraordinair
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 42,214
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
__________________
“If the natural tendencies of mankind are so bad that it is not safe to permit people to be free, how is it that the tendencies of these organizers are always good? Do not the legislators and their appointed agents also belong to the human race? Or do they believe that they themselves are made of a finer clay than the rest of mankind?” ― Frederic Bastiat, The Law |
09-27-2013, 09:22 PM | #327 |
Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: tarpon springs FL
Posts: 469
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
...
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09-29-2013, 05:12 PM | #328 |
Eat Fish.
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Baja Sur, BI/RI/LI
Posts: 847
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
Telling bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
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Happy Hunting and Godspeed. "All Life came from the Sea. That makes me an Angler Fish."
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09-29-2013, 07:55 PM | #329 |
Naval gazer extraordinair
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 42,214
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
An atom says to his friend, "Man, I think I've lost an electron." The friend says "Are you sure?" He answers: "Dooode, I'm positive!"
__________________
“If the natural tendencies of mankind are so bad that it is not safe to permit people to be free, how is it that the tendencies of these organizers are always good? Do not the legislators and their appointed agents also belong to the human race? Or do they believe that they themselves are made of a finer clay than the rest of mankind?” ― Frederic Bastiat, The Law |
10-03-2013, 11:42 AM | #330 |
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Fort Walton Beach, FL
Posts: 152
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!
Can I tell you a joke about sodium?
Na What about potassium? K |
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